Thursday, January 25, 2018

hush and porous

The rush is hush
and so, its the rush
chase it
in its black coal eyes
chase it down the quiet
chase it till i reach the end
a cliff, a black gaping pit, a mere wall
slowing down against gravity
still a rush

my mind, the feelings in my gut grabs on to, they surface up
into my mind, makes everything seem shallow !
It rises above but i like the depths, i like my gut
my mind is a party pooper ! It knows and doesnt give a shit


an urge to say an urge overwhelming
but no words
so many characters so many wonderful forms
no story
the feeling of hunger is complete.
i can feel it fully and feel it growing
i know i should go looking for food
in a few days i can see the hunger my emaciation
its complete, its full, i can bear it and own it coz i know it

an urge to say an urge condensing
no words yet i choke
the characters have changed, the colors?
I dont recognise them
i only know theyve changed colours.
pain is a feeling that is there
a feeling i can hold and play with
feeling ive learnt to tame
but pain i know, its complete
am aware and to react to it

an urge to whisper, to breathe into your ears
but you dont listen
the characters, there is something common
they laugh, they laugh at me?
Have they heard my story ?
But i have no story to tell, not yet
still i know the feeling of being free.
i knew it the day i was born if only for a moment
i’d forget hunger and pain
coz i know how to deal with them
i’d know if i were free
i’d tell you stories and make you laugh if i were free
you wouldnt be stupid and deaf i i were free

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

cable TV

tattered blue and hung plastics
brittle sun and leaky rains
concave dish flowers that spring atop
that be psychedelic shrooms or wormholes

scrunched between space and time extremities
in between tight overlaps of dust, sun, sweat, noise
noise, metal, concrete, sewage
sewage, water queues, smoldering polythene,
one-eyed toys, flies, holey knickers
a dog eat dog
its a noise kills noise
a numb kills all world

under the tattered blue, back
back and out into the wormholes
tears you flesh and fat
reassembles you fresh and flesh
lost is care and damn
lost is pain and hunger
everything numb until a new brittle sun
until old brittles and leaks

Tuesday, March 21, 2017


you cannot lure my mind
not with your soulful music
you cannot carve me a smile
not with your stories of superheroes
you cannot breathe into and out of me peace
not with your eyes closed shut

i hear screams, shrieks and the slow hum of death
i feel and understand pain, i indulge in it
i see hands digging deep for gold, for money, for more

reality is charismatic
awareness makes me smile
fights bring me peace and joy

i hear, i feel, i see
its real and its now
its sick and its happiness
i live, i die

Saturday, February 18, 2017



This movie happened by chance and some things are best just by chance.

Bahman Mohassen's chuckle is a mockery at you but you inadvertently laugh with him.... repeat frames of his chuckle and some sharp sound interplayed with brilliant screenplay will take a while to hit you hard between your eyes :) You carry the movie with you – provocative (interspersed with Mohassen's hearty phelgmy laugh!), his thoughts and socio-political views are ofcourse timeless. One thing i could stand up for and applaud (if i wasnt sick of standing up for no reason already through Biffes 2017) is his profound statement “I have never really seen such cowardly people.”, as he believes that he is witness to a degenerate generation

Its hard to say 'RIP Mohassen' (he might take an offence to wishing him peace in such disturbing times) but his spirit lives on.

Ostatnia Rodzina Director - Jan P. Matuszynski Poland / 2016 / Polish / 123 min.

Yet another artist (painter) and an extension of his eccentric self. 

For me this movie is a great example of how different people can live at peace with each other, said and heard many times the "mutual respect and harmony" but here is how. A sense of personal space and ofcourse oodles of creativity prevails. Family dynamics maybe a little too much for a society like ours to understand let alone accept. I could totally relate to the artist in how he reacts to situations – actually no reaction just pure pragmatism.

(M)Uchenik Director - Kirill Serebrennikov Estonia / 2016 / Estonian|Russian / 118 min.

The clear distinction between extremism and normalcy. And how the two are swapped in the real world, the consequences of which is a stark reality too.
Love the lady who speaks sense, 'she'bang.

Le Ciel Flamand Director - Peter Monsaert Belgium / 2016 / Flemish / 112 min.

Are we capable of such sensitivity and humane behavior be it in how one investigative proceedings need happen where a brothel owner and her daughter are involved (not really how, she is treated like any other – and no fluff/hangups about being normal about it either), amazing mother-daughter relationship.

A quiet strong movie about the quiet strength of an intelligent woman. Powerful movie.

Omor Shakhsiya Director - Maha Haj Israel / 2016 / Arabic / 90 min.

Rich exquisitive yet light airy homes - That will keep you rapt while the characters emerge slowly. Contrasting characters that switch between the dramatic dancer duo, to a fading persona and a relationship therefore, to a character that walks into a fantasy.

Director - Sengedorj Chanchivdorj Mongolia / 2016 / Mongolian / 104 min.

When you realise what freedom is all about at such a tender age, there is stopping a 'Dorje' from happening. If you loved Dangal or thought Dangal was all about Amir Khan then here's a movie thats a reckoning. Not to compare dangal with this, while Dangal is loud and falls short of passion this one takes you in and does not leave you behind.
Revelation after watching the movie : that fraction of a second that calls between the winner and the runner up is the difference between “doing it for yourself” and “doing for the society, country”. You win first and then maybe the others. Its truly a battle between 'you and the other'. Winners ought to be self aware.

Director - Vijay Jayapal 2016 / Tamil | English / 118 min.

The rationale (for the mistakes?! committed) seem forced and comes late. I wish it was just a simple extra marital affair without having to justify it with impotency and a dead wife. Again vilifying  (to the extent : money laundering, loose character, liar etc) the queer co-worker was absolutely unnecessary while she sometimes talks sense – more than any other character. She says “Life is not all about sex” could've saved a marriage that is sexless therefore lifeless and could've saved the movie too!

And was the cameraman drunk ? some scenes sway like crazy before coming to a stand still – its very distracting and i sort of lost interest in the movie and became focussed on the camera work. There wasnt much in the movie to keep my interest anyways.

Ottayaal Paatha 
Director - Satish Babusenan & Santosh Babusenan India / 2016 / Malayalam / 97 min.

I decided to watch the movie coz it was about "running away". There wasnt any such 'run away' drama but i wasnt very disappointed with the movie.

Sweet narration of a closed space drama that unfolds between father and son. Son who has aspirations and who is trying hard to reconcile with his dad, father who feels insecure about his relationship with his son and has given up hopes of ever being able to take the place of a doting mother.

Quite a dramatic end, creative albeit.

Goobe Mari

Contentment is beautiful in itself but when it shines bright through the big-coal eyes of a owlet, as it slowly gracefully turns its head to look into your eyes, blinks a few times and tucks itself further into the cozys of the hollowed tree branch...well, you just want to cry.

[The owlet that made my day this morning at Lalbagh. It also did leave a few others rather confused as to whether an early morning sighting of a 'goobe' isnt the harbinger of bad...some consoled themselves that 'owlet' is good omen while 'goobe' means bad, so most people paid him respects and left in a hurry before the 'owlet' changed its mind about good and bad ! ]

shiny coal eyes browed white
mystical little owlet grey and white
carrying with it the stillness,
in the slow turn of his head
in its restful blinks it transcends your being
such contentment and peace,

such ease that leaves you shaken  

Sunday, May 03, 2015


what cannot be questioned cannot be stopped
what is questioned is your present

what cannot be answered is assumed
what is answered unfortunately depends on 'who'
the question and the immediate answer is 'you'

some for some
some from some
somehow never sums up


Monday, April 27, 2015

unmask beneath

the slow unmasking
rapid random changing colours and faces
merging into one
in slow motion
its always been there, swear
the colours only a reflection
of my trust, my joy
running colours in slow motion
unmasking the ugly
emerges the sneer, the pattern
familiar, swear
acknowledge and revelation
i fall, its a slow meltdown
no words, no emotion
nothing need i say, swear
nothing i need, swear
the face behind the mask
always been there, swear

Wednesday, January 22, 2014

our walk

it creeps in when i walk
i pause and slowly turn around
i did hear it muffled, i know it cant talk

we wait when i do
and we move together
i pause and i can hear it no more
but it holds me back
i return the look i only get in my back
sharp and piercing, not a scar
not a trace, just one last look
its not there

my dog, my shadow
she is there when she is
she is there when she isnt
i want her around, but never now....